more than you asked for

decrepit

2007-06-13T10:31:00.001-07:00

so i think i mentioned in just my last post being old before my time. its quite topical especially when you consider how cool i was last night.
at around 9 thirty i think (feh who knows with this sunshine) i cleaned up dinner, made my self some hot chocolate and shuffled down stairs to bed. i laid there in bed reading my (autographed) knitting book sipping my coco and feeling not just old but also sorry for myself. i was in pretty bad shape. i had earlier in the day pulled something in my back whilst stretching. i still have a well developed bruise on my forehead from where i slammed into a cabinet (getting to know the new kitchen you know) and i was having a hard time getting comfortable.
so on the ever growing list of things to buy goes a husband...you know the wrap around pillow thing.
which i bet is something else i can find at costco!
the excitement of that last statement stems from the other members of my household being newly indoctrinated into the wonderful club that is bulk garlic and more pounds of produce than i can carry.
it is times like these when im not feeling my best that i take comfort in being a consumer. contrary to popular belief i CAN fill that whole inside me with material belongings.. that whole is created by old worn out material belongings and dull things that used to be shiny things.

new digs

2007-06-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

I am a home body, probably and old lady before my time.
Once and a while I really do enjoy a night out on the town but for the most part I’m quite content to stay in and entertain myself.
I am really good at entertaining myself. So much so that it had led some people to think I must have been an only child.

So I’ve just moved into this new place that lends its self to staying home and hanging out in.
And yet
I feel a great bit of frustration so much so I just crinkled my nose when I thought about it. It’s just that I want it to be perfect and warm and inviting and to also look like I live there. But it just takes so much effort. And a hell of a lot of money it turns out.
I used the analogy of treading water. Once you get all your clothes unpacked you realize you have no where to put them. So you buy stuff to hold them. The floors are cold so you buy rugs-- well good thing cause you don’t actually have any furniture to sit on. And so on.
Oh and here I am complaining about my lack of furniture and such when just this morning I ran into our lovely curator of history who was explaining how she was able to salvage some of her clothes from her fire obliterated apartment.

I’m just saying moving is not conducive to being lazy and that is where I am running into problems.

Breaking Up

2007-05-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

Dear apartment
I know this is going to be hard for you to understand.
Because you haven’t done anything wrong.
I just feel like its time to move on
You’re great
And we get along great
You’re just not what I need right now
And I think you know it
I will miss you a lot
But I think you will find someone else soon
And you will see that you can be happy with someone else

Can i hold that for you?

2007-05-09T13:48:00.001-07:00

A while back I mentioned something about addressing my manly levels of testosterone at a latter date. Well I just looked at my calendar and what do you know, it’s a later date. Also I would rather do this than something else.
So I always had a sneaking suspicion that I was a bit off. Not in the head but in the hormone department. Several “doctors” I saw brushed it off and said that obviously I was fine. I looked fine is what they meant. Well if medicine is a visual art I got a degree in that so I figure I should be getting paid more.
Frustrated but not fehcockteh
i finally went to see yet another new doctor.
She actually also said to me that I looked like my hormones were fine. Meaning I wasn’t qualified to serve as bearded lady at the local freak show so things must not be that out of balance. However she honored my hunch and we did some tests. Sure enough – testosterone levels suitable for a dude. This one factor was responsible for a bevy of related problems (see post below re: whacked out ovaries)
My doctor and her nurse we perhaps unsettled by my joyous reception of my PCOS diagnosis. They hadn’t spent ten years feeling lousy and enduring inexplicable physical abnormalities.
But yeah I was relieved. Mostly because there is treatment for this. It involves regulating my hormones but not by any drastic means. So less androgens it is!
So I've been thinking a lot today about this treatment and signs that it’s working. I like progress, I like to note it.
Which brings me to the real impetuous for today’s post--
This morning when I was getting dressed I was sort of astounded and dismayed by posterior developments.

i seem to have picked up some junk and put it right in my trunk.

I could be over reacting to what is really only a slight change. Or not.
Maybe I’m just super disappointed that this is the body part that is embracing femininity so rampantly. i mean, i feel like my footprint has enlarged 10 fold. or however you measure this sort of thing.
I was fine with my rear, I would have been much happier with some anterior augmentation.
Anyways there are children serving life sentences in prison so I guess I should quite complaining

how's my aura

2007-04-29T00:30:00.000-07:00

so i was out this evening enjoying some fine local music in a fine local pub. i will in fact make the new staying out all night- going home early.
on my way out my psychic acquaintance grabbed me and said something along the lines of
"make art your soul is screaming for it"
now i know what your thinking
crock o'poo fluff talk
the truth is i saw her on my 24th birthday for a private consultation and she said amazing things that i still think about now. no lottery numbers or anything solid. the psychicness of it is debatable but it was inspiring.
so i don't mind listening to what she has to say
and i do think i should make more "art"
and people close to me tell me that
and i agree with them
the problem is
when you say my soul is screaming for it; more than inspiring me it brings me back to my real problem with me making art.
i think if my soul needs anything its to create. lucky for everyone this usually means lots of cooking. i like that
its immediately satisfying and no one questions it. no one wants to know what i chose red peppers instead of yellow. or what it means when i make brownies in a heart shaped pan rather than a regular rectangular one.

i always hated being an art student because i hated other art students. my art never had the content everyone else's did
it didn't represent much of anything. and people seemed to be unsatisfied with that.
too much explaining went into things that didn't need an explanation.

i think i just lost my point which is precisely why i don't believe in my making content based art.
its not that i don't have anything to say its that my soul quite honestly doesn't care to express itself in a screaming manner by way of paint and such.
i just want to make things
and making things is expensive
but making food isn't
and its tastier

off to a bad start for sure

2007-04-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

i hate to say it
but I'm still stuck on this hair thing
previously when i had the disastrous luck of a bad hair day i could just pull it back and be done with it.
now
i just have to pretend like i wanted it to look this stupid. people say oh it must be so much easier and quicker with short hair
they obviously have never had short hair.
i am not a sceenster or a crack addict who has the luxury of not caring/desiring disheveled hair.
so i spend three times as long now in the morning trying to get things to lay the right way.
right now
i can feel my cowlick
its taunting me
luckily something admittedly worse has happened since i got to work so i can divert my attention from the unfixable.

there seems to be a problem in the world with people cleaning up after themselves.
as this is true guess who always has the pleasure of cleaning out the break-room coffee pot.
i drew the line yesterday when grounds and coffee were left in over the weekend.

as punishment to that other person who we will refer to as Kim Marcucci i went to the lucky monkey to get coffee. somehow it all went terribly wrong and i refuse to patronize them anymore.

so this morning after examining my choices
i sucked it up and cleaned out the coffee pot
it was sparkling and glorious as i reached into the cabinet for my tin of coffee.

can you see where this is going?

no coffee

NO TIN

who finishes someone else's coffee and then throws away the tin.
my lovely perfectly sized cafe du monde tin??!!!

Kim:
it is so on

thanks for bringing that to my attention

2007-04-17T13:58:00.000-07:00

i hope people know
that "thanks for bringing that to my attention" is a thinly veiled bugger off
especially when said with notable lack of sincere emotion

so i sent out a mass email in which i erroneously typed "i hope this does cause you too much inconveinience"
sure i proofed it
but that is a classic uncatchable by spell check, too close to accurate to catch, error.
so much so that i don't feel its necessary to write a follow up email to explain my mistake
I'm hoping people read it quickly or don't read it at all and therefore don't notice.
if they do notice I'm 99% sure they will figure out what i meant to say and go on about their business
writing a follow up email in my opinion will only bring attention to it and imply that I'm not super busy and have time to even bother with such a thing
as you can imagine
i am extremely busy

so i wouldn't have even known about the typo
if it hadn't been for some ass monkey
who actually took the time to call me and tell me about it

"this is geneva"
"yeah hi this is Ass Monkey, I'm here in so-and-so's office and i just got this email about parking and i think you said something you didn't mean to say" (tauntingly even)
"oh?"
"you said- 'i hope this DOES cause you inconvenience' i think you meant doesn't"

long pause
sensing he felt he was doing me a real service for calling me to tell me this;

"thank you for bringing that to my attention, i apologize for the error"

ironically Therese and i were just talking about my email typing troubles earlier this morning. she finds my mistakes charming.

hair today, gone tomorrow

2007-04-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

yesterday when i was on my way to my impromptu hair appointment i was thinking that i should definitely explore my issues with hair stylists in this town in a blog.
i have been to at least 6 different people in the last year.
just a month a go i found wonderful julie at chez ritz who won, hands down, for the most complimented haircut ever. also, she gave the best scalp massage ever....ever.
but she left the state because her husband was being deported.
so close

anyways the point is i have no hair now
well i have some
here are my issues with this situation
this is not what i asked for
(also thanks panty-free-crack-showing gabby for giving me a hair cut you whouldn't wear yourself)
i look like my mom
or like a little boy

yes
its a vanity issue
obviously
so i don't feel like i should have to feel bad about how upset i am
i know it will grow back
but in the mean time i am walking around with someone else's hair cut

Ive taken to christmas music to console myself.

email to no one

2007-04-10T14:47:00.000-07:00

Hi
I’m bored
I can’t stand when I have an actual five day week and can’t come up with enough stuff to keep me isolated and involved for all 5 of those days
I want to be autonomous and yet I don’t know how to do anything on my own
Sucks
It sucks hard

But I am enjoying a lovely cup of coffee

Yum

Saw stranger than fiction
Loved it
I have netflixs now
So I know for a fact I loved it
(As opposed to really liked it)
Cause that’s how many stars I gave it

How come you and I didn’t have the foresight to start netflix?
We would be rolling in it
Way to go
Way to ruin my dream of vast wealth

We have auditors here today
You would think I would be busy
The older one wears too much perfume
And the youngins look like they fell off a rack in the JCPenny’s Jr section

But vanilla chai spice coffee mate isn’t just my coffee’s best friend-
Its mine too now.

what do you do on your days off?

2007-04-06T12:43:00.000-07:00

I've been debating how much to share with the world on my blog. the presumption of course is that people in the world are reading it. since i cant decide how forth-right i ought to be, i will just circumvent the whole dilemma and assume no one reads it.
i mean that's why punctuation and grammar are a side thought anyways.

this morning i had a sonogram!
no! I'm not pregnant!
i do feel oh, a wee bit guilty as though Ive stolen some of prego-therese's thunder by not allowing her to be the first amongst us to have such a procedure. but oh well. its not like it was a whim; it was prescribed.

being as how i am not pregnant, you might wonder what purpose could this sonogram have served. well it was an investigation into the status of my ovaries.
see, and this is where you get all squeamish and wish you had just gone on about your surfing with out this much too informative side trip.
and thusly you can see why i would wonder if i should share.
but its not scandalous.
i don't have cancer.
i just have dysfunction.

being a hypochondriac i was actually quite relieved to find out what i thought was wrong was not all in my head.....but in my abdomen.
there is something certifiably wrong with me and its treatable so no biggie right.
well for the time being- no biggy. i just have to do a little maintenance and I'm ok to go.

this is not an image of me but is much like what i saw at the doctors this morning.

now I'm not sure what normal ovaries look like. when i googled it i got lots of animal ovary results...and well....ick.
(yes that's right...my ovaries= discussable, couth, spectacular even. dog ovaries=ick)

anyways apparently there aren't supposed to be those black spots.
but i have black spots.
which are actually benign cysts.

i think my ovaries were just board and decided to do something different
its a rebellious phase like a piercing or dark eye make up.
anyways I'm giving them some tough love and hopefully we will come out of this well rounded, wiser, and chalk full o' character.

so i think i will let this sit for a while and see how i feel about it before i go on about such things.

project bean

2007-04-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

for the holidays lovely miss fauna gave me some flora. it was a bean plant that comes in a can and when it hatches the bean says i love you. really just go to the site to see
sounds unbelievable
but it totally isn't once you see it

the catch is
this bean plant has turned into my most uncared for yet most successful plant ever.
it sprouted then it just grew and grew
then it grew some more
and started to freak me out
i would walk into the room and see it swaying ever so slightly as though it had just been moving.
impossible you say.
no
therese my neighbor also was gifted the bean
and we have sat and documented its animate growth
it wasn't scientific or anything
actually we would just look over during commercial breaks to see that its periscope-esque top had pivoted 45 degrees in 15 minutes.

my bean has grown so much that i have had to make supports to give all 4 feet of it somewhere to go. and i kid you not when i say;
as i gingerly helped it around the bamboo skewer apparatus i swear i felt it resist against the light pressure of my fingers.

as of late things have taken a turn for the worse.
bean had outgrown its can and was wilting lethargically.
i actually felt bad so i went and got a bag of miracle grow and replanted it in a big pot i had from the last plant i killed.
so bean has a new home.
i was torn between pitching it and replanting it and let me tell you how i came to my decision.
i don't like bugs they creep me out.
yet i can not kill them in any way that involves me touching something that is touching something that is touching them.
same deal.

I'm afraid if i tried to stuff this plant in the trash it would actually fight back.
so there it sits in the living room. recuperating.
gaining its strength. when it turns in the direction of the shared wall between my apartment and therese's apartment, and the bean plant just on the other side, i am certain that that they are communicating--planning their revenge.

Dear Jamie Cullum

2007-03-24T12:12:00.000-07:00

Knock it the fuck off already.

ok.
i understand your album came out in 2004 and it is only by a series of unfortunate events that i am, to this day, slowly being exposed to its asininity one track at a time.
i have to say i am relieved that if my internet radio station is still playing your debut i can probably rest easy knowing any sophomore attempt has failed and disappeared into the annals of you-were-a-lucky-bastard-to-get-one-album-deal-you-have-no-real-talent-you-punk-ass-leather-clad-ass-monkey

last time i didn't say anything but i wont be silent any longer;

do you really like radiohead? Because, no i don't think you do.
i think you think you like radiohead

high and dry
is perfect in its inception and performance
what was it that made you feel it would be bettered by an overdose of adult contemporary shellac?

today though was the final straw

...i hit the next button as fast as i could
so as not to expose myself to your remake of lover, you should have come over.

i have never been so frightened for my sanity as i was in those first few seconds when the excruciating realization of what i was listening to became clear.

you like playing the piano
fine
you may even be good at it.
fine.

why though did you think it was your place to give lover, you should have come over a hack?
and really, you hackity hack hacked away at a heart -wrenching emotive gem that you can't possibly relate to
( i don't know you but i'm guessing jack assidly jumping over piano whilst leather clad people don't really get lover, you should have come over).

you have taken all that is beautiful, and nearly sacred, to decent music lovers everywhere
and, well, pooped all over it.

i cant go on i've exhausted myself.

well...huh

2007-03-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

so im updating my profile right
and what do i notice
in a moment of grand Internet nostalgia it would appear my first post on this site was two years ago this month.
almost two years ago to the day.....
ok im really gonna go take a nap now

i like me

2007-03-23T13:05:00.000-07:00

1) i like reading other peoples blogs. sure i'm hoping they mention me and how great i am. or you know sometimes i'm just being nosey.
2) and now google is making it practically impossible for me not to be reminded of my discarded spewings now that everything is so neat and tidily integrated.
so here you go.
i cant assume anyone will like reading this but i do know more than two people who are often deathly board at work and wouldnt mind having something to look at.
i just hate how as soon as i start writing one of these my easily impressionable mind starts in with the carrie bradshaw sounding internal dialogue.
what if sexity sex sex sex perfect man bladdy blah
and that's annoying for all of us. (because i'm not her. not because i don't :love: sex and the city)

so i've been out of it for a while.
well it was winter
have you seen winter here?
its a wonder i managed to carry on an interesting life the past six month
you expect a blog too?

i was just about to take a nap
but instead i felt like blogging
well actually i walked in here to look at shoes on line and to make some life altering very important shoe related decisions, and then i thought about blogging.
and you know if it should happen that i want to do something more than napping
you better believe i'm gonna pay attention to that urge.

you win

2006-02-22T01:35:00.000-07:00

i havent posted a blog in so long. but twice this week people have actually mentioned that i oughtta...and who am i to dissapoint people lets talk about SADD for those of you who are northernly challenged, im talking about seasonal affectivness disorder. cabin fever. the winter blues. you get the idea. it does not in fact make you sad. rather it makes you crazy. i havent been hearing voices, no, worse, its my own voice that i hear in my head that is causeing all my problems. mostly im convinced that my immediate bubble of a world is collapsing upon me. this is in fact not happening, and should you be so concerned, everything is fine. work is work and getting more worky all the time friends are good and are puting up with my hermatige "serious adult relationship" is going smashingly so what IS my problem? the problem is i woke up the other day and said to myself. this is my life crap. this IS my life...THIS is my life....this is MY life.... anyway you put it, im slacking off. im not living up to my potential. my parents would be dissapointed. im dissapointed. content but dissapointed. how do you like that and by content i mean full of beer, stawberries and whipped cream.... ...had some kids over for dinner tonight. .....jokingly said my secret-new-years-resolution was to be an asshole. but once it escaped my lips i think i realized it was a little too true. now im thinking i should focus more on not being nicer but to also not rely on buying peoples' friendship/love/adoration/approval. i had no idea i was so dependent upon it considering im so poor. turns out the thought of not using this as a means to an end is a bit rather terrifying and i am not sure how to go about doing it.

150 days till summer

2006-01-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

There is a direct correlation between my perception of my own well being and how often I blog, also how often I clean my room.
I have really been rather diligent this winter in warding off the winter blues, going to the gym, getting enough sleep, going out and doing "things"
but I feel like I have been pissed off for a month
maybe you've noticed.
in other news, I think I might have quite smoking.
its hard to say but I haven't bought cigarettes in ages it feels like.
and no, it hasn't resulted in more money in my pocket, I actually feel poorer now than I have in a while.
Saturday was auditions for the UAA dance ensemble. I went because it was the right thing to do. While therese said I could be in her piece without auditioning, I didn't think it would be fair to not go through some public humiliation just like everyone else.
it really wasn't that bad, though not as "fun" as I was lead to believe.
and practice starts next week for the show in April.
with one foreseeable goal now in place im tempted to make some other goals for myself for spring.
possibilities include but are not limited to:
cheer the hell up
keep my room clean
do laundry more regularly
eat more vegetables
bake more cookies
read more books
drop another pants size
listen to more music
email people more
save some money
drink less
see more movies
get a different job
take everything less personally

did I over look anything?
suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Bane Girls

2006-01-09T00:25:00.000-07:00

Its like Bond girls but different.
this is an attempt at updating/humor/analysis/sense...I'm making no promises.
what a weekend
Thursday we went to everybody's favorite bar to see galen's band play.
it was awesome the crowd was loving and it was a good show.
friday there was indian food and bowling. I don't go bowling very often and its not like that is the reason why, but I am horrifically bad at it. I was born with out the bowling gene. But again, i was accompanied by nothing but good people, and I did break 50 on both games, though not by much.
and then yesterday there was broom ball and charlie murphy.
therese forced me to go to broom ball with her. I didn't want to. You've seen me, I'm not sporty. and batting at a ball outside on the ice? in the cold? really? for fun?
it was awesome y'all. not only was it the most gorgeous winter day I've ever seen, but I scored a goal. and...AND! I didn't bite it once. I am however incredibly sore right now and that brings me to my Sunday. It wasn't wasted- meghan therese and will and Galen and I went and had breakfast at noon......good start right? but everything after that was just a slow build up to the coma that I am in now.

it was as therese and meghan and I were on our way to the mall today that I realized we all have this really bizarre tie now to high school and if you don't believe carasses exist....I have a few stories to tell you.

felize nuevo ano

2005-12-31T18:11:00.000-07:00

i hope everyone has a safe and happy new years.
ive posted a few new photos,
its not much but there are some shots of the inside of my place.
more to come.

true directions

2005-12-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

The theme of the week is cessation ok
uno.
cessation of aloofness began on Sunday.
this is good for many reasons
...other than graduating from "special lady friend".
but who needs labels eh
I may be a lazy liberal jap artist so why should I be adverse to
girlfriend

dos
cessation of scrubs
no more scrubs at work
yeah I'm stretching the theme
we moved up to sweater sets
which take some counter effort every morning to ensure I don't look like
an uptight conservative christian republican
but at least I don't have to wear two pairs of pants anymore to stay warm.

tres
does a theme have to have three parts
cause I got nothin

my friend Dan came up from Montana to visit me
he is the perfect house guest
he cleaned my kitchen today and is currently serenading me, with old country songs.
I had a swell Christmas, much better than expected.
and Chanukah is going swimmingly though I haven't lit any candles and opened all my presents days ago.

Right now

2005-12-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

1. Waiting for a phone call
I hate waiting for phone calls but this one is a good call. And its a good kind of waiting. If
there is such a thing

2. Wishing Christmas would just hurry up and be over
Not because I hate Christmas but because I hate the build up.

3. Listening to Jeff Buckley
More specifically lover you should have come over. My favorite song of 2005. In case you were
wondering my favorite song of 2004 was you on my mind in my sleep by Richard Ashcroft.
maybe you have also noticed that song of the year is a joke. So I'm behind, so what

3. No longer waiting for a call
I'm outta here

The big two four

2005-12-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

This morning I went and had an intuitive reading. I don't know if that was an avoidance of using the word psychic or what but never mind the details.
truth is, it was fabulous.
yes she knew things she couldn't have.
yes she made small predictions
mostly it was all just very reassuring because yes she also told me things I already knew to be true. The trick now will be to remember the important stuff and put it to use.
in a nutshell, I am to purchase more underwear of a provocative nature, eat more peanut butter and carry a journal.
I'm not kidding
item one was worked on today by taking a trip to Nordstrom. 5 pairs down, 80 or so to go.
(you know you can tell a lot about a person by going shopping with them)
I don't really like peanut butter. Unless its on an Einstein brothers whole wheat bagel with strawberry jam. And Albuquerque is too far to go for the purpose of increasing consumption. She said I could try cashew or almond butter but I don't know.....
and I actually used to carry a little journal with me. It was my portable proof of having gradated with an art degree.
all that's in it is a looooooong list of money I owe people, worked and reworked budgets that never get more hopeful, and a list of Dale's culinary expertises which includes hot dogs.
(by the way thats the first time ive really named names of an audience member)
I think I may stick with that
its scientifically proven that people like to hear their name even if they are reading it to themselves in their head.

so that was the start to my day, maybe it was the middle. If you count last night at humpys.
as mentioned there was shopping. Mad points to Galen for enduring. There was eating. Again, mad points to Galen for enduring. And most importantly there was no work.
I have to take Wednesdays off more often.

baby its cold outside

2005-12-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

I wasnst going to blog...I was just checking in. But then I thought I would check out my stats and found that not one, but a few people have come upon this blog by way of querying "are naps good for you". Well not only am I flattered but really, I think I can offer the definitive answer. Yes. Yes they are. Was there ever any doubt? Let it be assuaged by yours truly, your neighborhood napologist. If you need some lessons, training, or maybe just some company, I am your girl.

I just got home from Cassie's where we had a marathon gingerbread cookie baking extravaganza. Complete with the Regis Christmas album. It was lovely, there were also enchiladas, and some fabulous concocted beverage involving blackberry soaked vodka.

my back is killing me by the way, from the cookie making. Who knew. I have a new found added respect for Martha Stewart, yes I loved her before, but now...
think how effin ripped her back must be under all those cardigan sweaters, one can only imagine.

How to get out of helping your friends move

2005-12-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

I really thought I was being punished, or at least being held accountable for all past sins this week, turns out mercury is just in retrograde. So not only is it not my fault I'm having such bad luck, but also I am not the only one.
I am a creature of habit, I hate change. It may make me boring and predictable but you know what, screw it. I'm sticking to it. Case in point. Friday morning I went a different way to work and promptly proceeded to wreck my car. Granted it doesn't look so bad. God bless that new plastic stuff they make cars out of. But I don't know the extent of the damage and it is undriveable.
it was totally my fault too, which is awesome, the whole fiasco is only gonna cost me 400 dollars, but we all know there are many other things I would rather be spending money on. Say, some new woolen pants.
please email me for the address to which you can send your donations to the "sure it was her fault but the girl's gotta be kept in the life style to which she's become accustomed fund"

also I was informed last night that people who don't know any better or haven't known me very long are now perceiving me as a negative person. I know! Ridiculous right. Lets take a gander at the check list; messy room...check, lack of recreational reading.....check, bills being paid late...check.
those of course are the three scientific tests of happiness. So what gives? I don't know.
I didn't think I was all that unhappy till other people noticed.
and no, there is no woe, I am content, but things are shaky y'all.
so today we are taking a day of rest to regroup and recuperate. And do laundry. I am actually out of clean undies, which I thought was impossible to achieve. Life is all about choices, maybe that's the problem, I don't have the ability to chose undergarments. Its a theory and its just as good as mercury being in retrograde.

get in line

2005-11-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

So meghan just got home and says to me, "it smells rank in here until you figure out its turkey"

yeah so I hope your thanksgiving is lingering in a better way than mine.
really the holiday itself was fine but the weekend was just...Well..Off.
first of all there is no good way to really dish about anything and im not interested in that. All I know is that sometimes you really want something, or you really like the idea of something, but you know its not right. If you know its not right why do you go and try to convince yourself and the whole world it is alright....
lesson learned (maybe)

meghan and I had the most outrageously cathartic conversation last night. It involved lots of shouting, which I don't do. We had drinks at snowgoose with Ezra which really is as lovely as it sounds. As we were leaving and on our way home to entertain the masses, it came out that both meghan and I were pissed at eachother for the same ridiculous reason... Jealousy essentially. How perfect is that. I've never really been mad at meghan before, honestly...In all our 14 years (crap!)

anyways so now we have a new found understanding that its ok to think that each other are fabulous but we each still think of ourselves as the most fabulous.

i will stand in my own shadow thank you

2005-11-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

An addendum to yesterday's blog
apparently irony is dead
and the cokes didnt explode after all
and the lesson from all of this
is that being alone won't kill you
and at least i'm not drinking pepsi

I have turkey under my fingernails

2005-11-25T01:56:00.000-07:00

I just did that thing where you pick up the phone to check for dial tone and make sure its still working because what other explanation could there be.
there is a twelve pack of coke in my car that im pretty sure has let loose and is no longer contained in the cans. There is no way im dealing with that tonight.
yes those two statements are related, perhaps in ways that only I find infinitely amusingly ironic

pro crastination

2005-11-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

You can all rest easy knowing that my hair is on its way back to normal. Actually my last hair fiasco was pre-re-blogging. So maybe you didn't hear, but it was a disaster. Anyways I went back and got it cut today by someone else. Its great.
also, in addition, as well as getting my hair done I went to the grocery store...Everyone was actually really nice and while I had to get creative and venture into unfamiliar brand territories, they weren't out of anything I needed. In fact! I got the last pint of chicken livers...Jealous? So once again, this is not news, procrastinating paid off.
while nothing will taste as good as if it were made in my parents kitchen, I do feel relatively confident in my recreative skills.
you are welcome to stop by and judge for yourself whether or not I am fit to enter the adult world that is making thanksgiving on your own. And no, that's true, I am not making the turkey. But who even cares about turkey really.

Squishy

2005-11-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

What happened to this weekend?! Its just gone and I don't have anything to show for it except more bruises.
ok good point. At Saturday's rehearsal therese finished choreographing our dance. It feels good to have it all down, now if only I had it all down. Best of all, I really like it and its fun to do, not that I expected anything less from therese. She really will break your heart yall, watch out.
Friday afternoon I was awoken from a killer nap by an earthquake. Its funny how in school they train you to get under something stable and cover your head and all that good stuff. But its just a waste, I was awoken and proceeded to lay there and marvel at how long it lasted. It was only a 3.9 anyways.
so the earthquake got me going and I went on a cleaning rampage. It needed to be done. Mid cleaning I went to put some towels in the wash, went back up stairs and finished up the bathroom. It only took an hour but when I went back down to check on the progress of the towels I found I had successfully flooded the down stairs....turns out necessary hoses were not connected in necessary places.
this is awesome in so many ways mostly cause I got blamed for it.
so its Sunday and maybe normally I would be preoccupied with not wanting to go to work in the morning, but we all know that I don't hate my job that much and I am sufficiently distracted by the impeding woe that will accompany my holiday season away from home. But I think I have solicited enough friends to see me through. So maybe instead I can just focus on the pie baking and the cookie making instead.

Lets not be rash

2005-11-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

I think I may have hit upon some terrible truth in my blogging life. I think I haven't missed blogging because I wasn't reading anyone else's blog. When I got internet again I was all about the emailing but I really haven't gotten back into reading other peoples blogs again. The muscle memory is gone and I've forgotten all the addresses.
but here I am sitting, waiting, so I checked in. I read. And now I want to blog. Was it because what I read was so great that I was inspired. Well no, not so much.
they say that living well is the best revenge. I am so all about that. Its not going to do me any good to comment on other peoples' misconceptions or ridiculousness. No. So I wont, even though it itches like a sonofabitch.

there is this woman at work who does nothing but complain about how much work she has to do. Its a viscous cycle, the more time she takes complaining, the more work that doesn't get done....the more complaining. oy.
her birthday is three days before mine. This bothers me in the worst way. There are, I believe elemental truths about people and to make a long story short, I credit some, not all, to astrology. Sure you think I'm a nut now, but you always secretly knew. The point is, if she complains so much and is always playing the blame game, and its so obvious to everyone, well I'm worried that her personality isn't that far from mine...And what if I'm like that to. Well I don't think I am, I just wonder what parts of our personality are the same and I'm hoping not many. It takes a bit of effort to suck it up and take credit for your faults. I went into my new job with the notion that I would do just that, cause it works out better in the long haul, and ok maybe someone's good advice finally sunk in. But now I can say, I'm not like her, I take responsibility for my foul-ups and as a result, people have a hell of a lot more respect for me than they do her.
I think this wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be, what with the whole trying to be more honest schtick I've taken on.
that, by the way is going well. I have to say I am rather impressed with my ability to say what I really think, or what I really want. in case you were wondering, and were waiting to ask.

all i need now is 50% more pay

2005-11-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

I've decided not to spend too much time fretting over what is worthy to blog about or not. After taking a break I feel like I have to bust out with something fancy, something worthy of my triumphant return.
well, it may not interest too many other people, but my "list" is shrinking, or shrunk rather.
in the past couple of weeks while I cant say I've been "busy", I have accomplished several important life affirming tasks.
firstly I am now the proud owner of a Toyota corolla. And while I didn't really have anything to do with procuring it, I drive it, therefore, it is accomplished.
and secondly, I got me some clay. I can now return to following my bliss.

work is still very worky. Though I am still not the newest employee which means I still have someone flubbing things up more than I and making me look good.
the most exciting thing to happen at work, aside from the 1lb bag of M&Ms, is the new hole punch. Its a swingline and is a joy to use. Actually I was sold on it when I saw the box and the bright red letters that said "50% less effort" lord knows how I hate effort

My it is dusty in here

2005-10-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah so there are things I have been saying I am going to do for ages now. One of them is get internet at home. Have not accomplished this so I am at the library responding to my 50 emails.
so what are my feelings on being disconnected for a month. I think it was nice. I mean there are people who I wouldn't talk to if it weren't for email. But for the most part I think I have been good about picking up the phone.
so what have I been up to? Working. gyming. shopping.
I finally got a bed this weekend. It is effing fantastic and now it looks like I live in my room rather than squatting. I also made some curtains for my closet since it has no doors. And as much as I like my own clothes I don't really want to look at them in their upheaveledness all the time.
I still have done nothing about finding a car. I just don't want to do it. I'm notoriously terrible about doing things that need to be done but that I don't want to do.
now the real true problem is that I have been loaned a Lexus with ass warmers. So really what is my motivation for going out and shopping for a carolla.
*ting*
that's the sound of my tiara blinging.

work is good.
it sucks
its a job
I cant stand wearing scrubs, you might as well be naked
but the people are fun

I have not seen any new movies or been subjected to any new music in ages. Anyone have anything worth sharing?

oh yes
and happy belated rosh hashana

present!

2005-09-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks for not giving up on me guys. I know you were wondering if I died. I didn't but I am with out a car OR the internet, which might as well be the same thing.
so super fast update. I like my new job at the optometrist office I do reception/billing stuff. Its not too terrible. I adore my new place, it rocks. You ARE jealous even if you don't know it. I will have pictures as soon as someone buys and sends me a new camera ok.

I love this mess

2005-08-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

Well haven't I just had the most productive morning. Hence the update. I am such a tart for validation so here we go with proving I'm a capable adult. Fine, fine, pseudo-adult.
Yours truly has a job. While its not in my "field" it is a swell job with nice people and "room for growth" and, AND I get to wear scrubs. Ok so after the last dog job I was kind of looking forward to wearing nice clothes, accessorizing, etc for work. But you really can not complain about not having to worry about what to wear. Plus there is always the added bonus of getting mistaken for a surgeon/nurse/ dental assistant when you stop at the grocery store on the way home. Don't worry though, I do not have to wear any type of medical related foot wear, no orthopedics, no plastic clogs. That really would have been asking too much.
And soon I am guessing I will be able to tell you more than you asked for about contact lenses and maybe I will finally be able to remember the difference between near sighted and far sighted. Oh sure it seems straightforward but this is coming from the girl who has a hard time with right and left. And occasionally with right and wrong.
Today I also went to the gym. This is no biggy sure, but what is a big deal is that I had a fabulous time. I think this has a lot to do with there being no one else there and a specially compiled workout playlist. I'm sorry, you musically inclined people may really like "guide" by the music but until you've slipped into your grove on the elliptical to that song, well you just haven't lived.

giant squash

2005-08-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have been neglectful in the updating, I apologize and beg your forgiveness.
things have been busy, lets see...
therese and I went up to hatchers pass to pick blueberries. There were no blueberries. This of course didn't really matter because hatchers pass is my favorite place on earth and as usual it did not disappoint.
meghan and I found an apartment. It is not just great, it is the sort of place I would have described as my ideal place to live had any one asked me. Its in mid town, it has a big kitchen, it has lots of windows, its not in a basement, it has gorgeous flowers that someone else takes care of, and while it does not have two bathrooms it does have a double vanity and the lighting in the bathroom is spectacular, it also has a fire place and a washer and dryer that we only have to share with the downstairs neighbors. I couldn't be more pleased.
I am still applying for jobs and going to interviews. This is sort of fun and exciting but really I would like to have a job already, and not just for income. Mostly I miss getting up in the morning and having a routine.
The state fair started this weekend and I think we are all going to go next weekend. You may think this is a lame thing to be excited about. Well, its not. The Alaska state fair kicks ass in more ways than I can list here. You should be jealous is all I am saying.
I saw Madagascar on the flight up here, I am remembering now. It was pretty lame but totally worth it (it was free I mean) for the british monkeys and the penguins

Firm but not sweet

2005-08-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with one of those tuby glow bracelets on which was a nice reminder of the excellent night out we had last night. And so far this morning is a nice follow up. I have started my quest for the best croissant in Anchorage. This morning I went over to Cafe del Mundo and gave theirs a shot. I'm sorry to say that I don't think it will be the winner. It was ok, but not pretty. You should know that basically every pastry is going to be judged unfairly against the flying star standard...I am not sure I will find anything worthy. Anyways, it is sort of sad that it was sub par because I really like that joint. It has great lighting. I am also searching out places with great lighting for the upcoming dark months.
Next place to try: Europa Bakery. Will keep you posted on this most pressing matter.

hog brothers

2005-08-18T14:38:00.000-07:00

I had a really good breakfast this morning. One egg, one strip of bacon, one sausage link and one piece of French toast. I cant shake the resulting food coma.
things are going well, I've been eating a ridiculous amount due to a lot of socializing. So we must come up with some new socializing tactics.
all three of my boxes that I sent priority have arrived and I have come to the conclusion that I am in fact a crazy loon. Contents of the boxes included; one waste basket, one clock, one pair of shorts, two scarves, all my good markers, aprox. Two pound of undies, and a few half started bottles of lotion. I don't need any of these things right now...None.
what I do need are socks, warm jackets, and pants. Those are in the slow boxes, if I am lucky they will be here in a month.
the apartment search is going well. By well I mean meghan is heading up the efforts so I feel lazy but good about not worrying about it right now.
I had a job interview this morning and did really well because I really really didn't want the job. This is in contrast to the interview yesterday where I actually sat there and listed all the things I couldn't do and adjusted my bra straps twice.
but really I am happy to be here. This is the result actually, of a lot of thought. I wasn't afraid to feel tons o' regret upon landing. And while things are not as ideal as I had hoped for-- there seems to be a little bit of general unrest, I do feel good about being here.

I think I had a dream about that girl from dinner last night, it was a bad dream.

2005-08-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should document this morning, my last morning in Albuquerque. I just had a really nice chat with my dad ...about how proud he is of me, how I can come home any time I want...even though I think he would be pretty disappointed in me if I didn't stay through next summer so he could come visit it me. Though I know you all would be disappointed, because I know you all are planning on coming and visiting me.
I really am not fond of Albuquerque, it doesn't fit me. Its too tight in the armpits, the worst kind of unfittingness.
but hell, I did have a good time here its true. Its like Dave Mathews says --its not where but who you're with that really matters. Ha! I set out to be eloquent and profound and that's all I got. Awesome.

speaking of good time, this weekend I went to the botanic (botanical?) gardens and aquarium with my parents and have posted some new pics on the old photoblog. You should go, its fun.

In case of an emergancy please be quiet

2005-08-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

Ok
here is a real post
I'm moving
I like moving
well....I mean, I am used to moving.
but really you get to start over and who doesn't like a clean slate now and then. I wouldn't say I am running from anything, but here is my chance to do things I say I want to...But don't.
and the spirit has moved me to make a list
start taking more pictures! With a good camera! Not my camera phone!
I went to Alaska in May and have little to show for it. Sure I am going back and its not like I need pictures to remind me, but I would like to share it with those of you who are not lucky enough to have been, etc.
read more. While I am a big fan of magazine reading because I feels oh so productive to finish cover to cover something filled with pictures and not text...I really feel like the reading I have been doing lately is beneficial and useful so I would like to keep it up. Any suggestions? I've got map of love on the list thanks to Anthony and an unspecified rushdie thanks to holly. We all know what Alaskan winters are like so it wouldn't hurt to have an arsenal to keep me busy.
keep up with correspondence. Because everyone likes getting mail. If you would like to be included in this endeavor email me your address.
be more honest. This is a recurring theme and maybe doesn't belong on this list but I figure the more I say it the more I will remember to do it. It really is a bad habit to say "I don't know" or "I don't care" all the time. Because I usually do know and care.

lastly,
damn it
apparently "lastly" "isn't a word". Can you believe that. I don't know how many times I've used it in papers. But I suppose that's the sort of informal -smut- bastardization of the English language made possible in the fine art of art history papers.

finally,
get in shape
the last time I was in shape was in Alaska so why not have a resurgence of good health and muscles. This is another one of those things I figure if I say out loud people will hold me accountable for.
yeah that's right
the impending four pack is riding one your conscious

mmm cherry coke

2005-08-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

This is going to be brief because I am determined to not get caught on the computer again by my boss. She doesn't really care I don't think but well I don't want her to think I'm slacking off just cause its my last week here. I'm slacking off cause I'm tired . All the puppies have grown up to be less cute and more difficult and its effin hot out y'all.
in other news
real news
Emily, my sister, started her new job as a PD down in FLA. That's right...My sister is a lawyer so you best not mess with me or you may incur her wrath, which may I add is formidable.
I tried to find a decent lawyer joke for the occasion but was not successful
two points to the poster of a funny one.
and lastly,
I went to bed at 8 fifty three last night. This is embarrassing. esp. because I am still tired right now. I think its from all the heavy lifting...I'm only accustomed to, at the most, a remote, or maybe a big soda.

Get it? Got it. Good.

2005-08-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

Well we all like a little progress now and then and I've been receiving it bit by bit in varied forms.
case in point.... I will now be sleeping on the floor for the next 9 nights. This morning was full of strangers coming into my apartment and buying my stuff. I am a big fan of this approach.
this weekend actually went by really fast because I've been such a busy little bee. My car is clean inside and out (for now) and smells like pina colada. Also, I had the pleasurable viewing experience that is court jester which was wonderfully accompanied by the mad sandwich making skills of colin and a cosmopolitan in a bottle thanks to jenn.
a side note: I'm one lucky girl. Sure sometimes I do my best to mess things up and almost tempt fate to screw me by making bad/irrational decisions. However, it seems I am being looked out for and that is a lovely feeling.

Its a good thing

2005-08-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

I feel like its been longer than acceptable since last updating so I will try to scrap something together a la Martha Stewart and have a nice tasty and warm post for you.
The problem really is that my life has been over run by the moving monster. In actuality I have only in the past 48 hrs really begun to do anything that resembles getting ready to move...But it is overtaken most of my thoughts.
The truth is I don't really want to talk about moving and I don't really want you to hear about my moving.
And having said that here are my thoughts on moving -
I have injured myself more in the past 48 hours than is really reasonable. This has to do with key factors including rearranged furniture, piles everywhere, and decreased lighting due to the sale of my main light source.
None of these factors explain however, the noticeable lump on my forehead resulting from slamming my head into the freezer door.
On a more personal note what's really strange about moving is going through your old stuff. And by stuff I mean those things you just cant bring yourself to throw away... The stuff I've moved to and from North Carolina, Alaska and New Mexico for no good reason. Among other things this includes reliving my formative years in the most ego centric way possible, by way of old love letters and pictures of myself when I was young and fancy free.

Things I need to learn, re-learn, or practice (self proposed)

2005-07-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

1. Spelling. Honestly, it really has just gotten out of control. "L's" are my biggest problem. I give'em out like there's not tomorrow, and it turns out more is not better.
2. Saying no. I'm not really currently saying yes to anything id rather not be doing. Its the little things. I watched a snippet of Oprah yesterday and it was all about pathological liars. I am not a pathological liar...but the two are distant cousins I think. Would any body really dislike me if I told the truth and said what I really wanted. I guess I will just have to find out
3. How to tie a tie. I used to know. But if I were under the gun to do so this very second I believe I would fail miserably...and you never know when you might need to know.

huh. So that's not a very long list now is it. I'm disappointed. I'm sure I will think of more later

"I'm not freaking out, I'm fucking lamenting"

2005-07-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Important thing you should know about me that you may already know #323

I do not like being compared to other girls. At all....Never do it if you hope to keep your head.
that being said...I am painfully, undeniably, regretfully....girly.
...I over analyze, I worry, I scheme, I spend too much on shoes.
I admit it ok....Its in writing.....I am forever accountable.

Today is no different.
One thing goes a bit off-kilter and suddenly we are having a what-does-it-all-mean shindig in a ron gordon sort of way* (oh the irony)
As a result I am sullen, moody, and really wanting pie

* i didnt need the test to tell me but it makes it official

Fishing

2005-07-25T15:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah so I'm not updating as regularly as you may have grown accustomed. And I'm not getting any complaints either.....
I'm currently at school waiting for pots to dry. No, that's no euphemism....but I think it should be.
So here I am at school.....I like to refer to it as "the university" that way there isn't the ownership and involvement that is associated with "(my) school" i'd like to have nothing to do with this joint but they've got free glaze. Now THERE'S a euphemism. Oh who am I kidding.
In other news, I saw my dad driving in his porsche on my way home from work. A surreal experience of sorts.
Let me tell you a little story...I doubt things are dry yet anyways.
So my dad used to have a different sports car...I hate to say it, but it was ugly (no names mentioned of course) and to make things worse, he would drive it reeeeaaaallll slow. He totally fit that stereotype of people I've noticed before...the old men, in the sports cars, going 5 MPH below the speed limit. I mean what gives. I don't know what caused the change in my dad though...he's really come a long way. When I rode with him a few weeks ago, it was brief, and it was subtle, but there was definitly some tire squealing going on...intentional or not....It was there. And today when I passed him...he was definitely not going the speed limit, but in a good way. I have to say...I felt proud. Now we just have to work on getting some decent kick ass music playing up in there...I'm thinking something other than Simon and Garfunkle.....

Sex with someone you love

2005-07-22T06:23:00.000-07:00

So last night I finally got to see Annie Hall. I think it was 4 or five years ago that I tried to watch it but circumstances beyond my control prevented it. Anyways, its a fine film and this is bolstered by the fact that it took me a good ten minutes to remember that annie is played by Diane Keaton. In general I detest Diane Keaton...But now I can see why she got the opportunity to play so many terrible roles so badly.

In other news we are nearing 1300 on the counter. Am I nervous? No...But maybe you should be.

I've saved you the trouble

2005-07-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

And I went and saw war of the worlds last night. So now you don't have to because I can tell you, it is exactly like what you think it is going to be like. Complete with idiots screening when you are supposed to be quietly hiding from the aliens, lots of suspense built by children not coming when they are called, and general spielbergian shenanigans that you've seen a million times. I think he even ripped of one of his own movies...You know that part in Jurassic park when they are trying to hide from the vellocoraptors in the kitchen and one of them gets fooled by a reflection. Yeah...So there you go. And you are calling me a hypocrite because of how I vehemently talked trash about Cruise and Spielberg....And you wanna know what gives. Well I will tell you what gives....The greater effin good. I went with a group of people and since crash wasn't playing I stepped aside and let them decide on something else. I didn't suffer too miserably for my selflessness.

in other news suzy says one's enjoyment of boomhauer on KOTH is greatly increased by utilizing closed captions. i must try this!

It was a good day until.....

2005-07-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

I am really pissed off at the moment. Some punk ass kid just threw a more than half eaten burrito at my car. This, I am taking as a sign that I defiantly made the right decision about moving somewhere with fewer burritos per capita and hopefully (fingers crossed) fewer punk ass kids.

other than that really the weekend has been lovely. Went and saw march of the penguins with colin. Nothing better to do on a hot afternoon than sit in a cold movie theater and watch a big screen filled with ice. And the penguins were cute too of course.

it went thud....and now there is sour cream and beans smeared all over my back window.....but really, I'm getting over it.....not gonna let it get to me......

Mi igloo es su igloo

2005-07-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

Well. So I finally decided, and I feel good about my decision. So far, cosmically, things seem to be saying that yes I decided rightly. This is in opposition to when I thought I decided Wednesday night and things went terribly.
so I am moving and at this point the most stressful thing about that is that one, I have to redo my resume.....this is a daunting task because I'm not as fabulous looking on paper. And two, I have some intensive de-junking to do, possibly cathartic...possibly hell. We'll see.
in other updates/news.
I saw my first dead person the other day. Don't worry I had nothing to do with it.
I got my diploma in the mail. Everything was spelled right. I am now officially certified to tell you what is ugly. And lastly, I guess I don't have a lastly. I don't really need a lastly, I think things have been eventful enough don't you.

Achtung!

2005-07-15T06:08:00.000-07:00

No one ever bothered to mention to me the catastrophe that was laying in wait for me after I graduated. Apparently going to grad school is a really good idea after all because you don't have to worry about the whole "what next" business for an extra two or three years.
I couldn't have gone to grad school if I wanted....For art...Are you kidding me. If I wanted to sit around with a bunch of narcissists who cant take criticism I could just hang out with myself.
So inlight of not having a plan I've been grasping at straws. One of those straws...The most attractive one...The pink bendy one....Is going back to Anchorage. And to extend the metaphor, I'm holding it in my hand about to put it up to my lips. And today is the day I decide if I'm going to drink or not.
And this week has been a roller coaster and I apologize to the people I've forced to endure my indecision...But its almost over.
There has been a lot of talk about worst case scenarios...And the agreement is, going couldn't possibly be any worse than staying. And that it would be good for me.
I need a change of scene that's for sure.
I think I can handle the snow and ice in exchange for comfort, the worlds largest safety net, northern lights, crab legs, alpenglow, moose's tooth pizza, and kalaidi coffee.
today is my dead line and if I haven't self destructed in 12 hours I will try to let you know what I've decided.

Half plus seven

2005-07-07T06:13:00.000-07:00

Important thing you should know about me that you may already know #124
I do not like being told I am wrong. If you are going to do so, is best to be most diplomatic and follow up with a compliment.

First things first
tom cruise is off his rocker.
why is it I feel safe to say this having never met the guy.
here are some "facts" I have acquired that I feel are untainted bits of info on the subject.
1 he is a scientologist. Now freedom of religions yes yes but anyone who feels there is something greater than themselves and feels like a good source this is aliens...Well I find that hard to understand. And anyone who doesn't mind paying for their religious enlightenment is also equally disqualified from my list of those to look up to.
2 half of 43 is 21.5, plus 7, is 28.5. not 26
3 he refuses to give interviews unless he can address his scientogisit beliefs
4 this last point is intrugal because as he is someone who has been in the public spotlight as long as he has, certainly, undoubtedly, he has learned how to control his perceived public image. I guarantee he is coming across precisely as he wishes...He just doesn't see it as crazy...Which makes him even crazier....And so the circle goes

why the hell do I care. Really I don't...I couldn't care less about people who have lots of money yet no desire to share it with me. I just am not so much a fan of people challenging my uneducated opinions because they are especially hard to defend.....Or being told that im not special (that isn't why I called)

A little Jackson Browne goes a long way

2005-07-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I hated my job and my life. Today not so much. What can account for this drastic change of perspective other than being bi polar?... which id have to say im not (even when I am having a good day I don't get the urge to repaint my living room at midnight, which according to the TV commercials is a sure sign you have BPD)
it can't be a good night of sleep because that was defiantly not the case last night.
I never sleep well after drinking and last night, though I didn't imbibe furiously, was no exception. I spent most of the night kicking and flailing in protest of being too hot. Sure I could have gotten up and turned up the AC... but a little self inflicted misery builds character.
I think sadly, the lack of sleep at least keeps me sedated and unable to get all that worked up over nothing.
I have to say, changing the radio station at work may have done it. Squeegee-ing the floor to the doors is way better than, to say some top forty pop song that you know you've heard before but are sure that you haven't.

turns out that pink bendy straw was the highlight

2005-07-04T15:59:00.000-07:00

weeeell
im happy to say im in a rotten mood.*
i did everything i said i wanted to do this weekend.
i watched all of wonderfalls...loved it
i read
i potted
i was very successful

and yet here i am at the end of my long weekend (which was filled with work but thusly with money so no complaints) and i am quite dissatisfied.

* so as i suspected my unhappiness is not the direct result of my laziness...laziness resume!

in times like these its good to know its socially acceptable to drink alone...at least once and a while

and its also good to know that my fate is in esther's hands and im sure she is quite a bit more capable than i am at making important decisions.

a pink bendy straw no less

2005-07-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

Today has been a long weird day.
I improved my tan walking around the foothills this morning for an hour and a half chasing after a loose dog. big dog + rabbit + faulty collar + cactus = fun

there were freaky coincidental occurrences all day involving the letter "S" and sneakers. Now when you have a wonder falls marathon for lunch your mind gets a bit bent and you start to think that all coincidences have some impending meaning and/or significance.

my dad came home from what I thought was a business trip, see I am notorious for not asking enough questions, but it turns out he went to Tennessee to get a porsche
I am now taking a poll= pronounce the E or no?

oh and the reason for my current exhaustion....trampoline

this weekend also marks my one year anniversary as slave to lazy people who have too much money and spend it on their dogs. The new job search begins tomorrow... for reals

ok maybe not everything...

2005-06-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

Ok I literally just ate a bowl full of cherries so while im in a happy mood I thought I should post because even if it isn't interesting at least it will be positive.
this weekend has so much potential I could just die. And this after one of my most productive weeks since school. I checked on-line by the way and found that my degree is still "pending". This makes me a weeee bit nervous because I fear I live my life feeling like some one is finally going to catch on that im faking...everything.
so yesterday I had some chums over and we all sat around for a few hours and arted about. It was lovely. I made a pot..it was not so great and I will scrap it and reuse the clay but hey...I made something.
so riding this wave of productivity I hope to pounce on this weekend and get some stuff accomplished. This stuff is not yet defined but I'll know it when I see it.

who knew a bag of dirt could be so gratifying

2005-06-27T13:31:00.000-07:00

Important thing you should know about me that you may already know #228:
a lot of the time if I am in a bad mood and you call me on it I will excuse myself by saying "im just tired". This is a test to see if you will take it at face value or prod on. The correct action is to prod on. The catch, in all actuality is that I most likely really am just tired because that's when I get moody and testy.

quite often I find my bad moods are relieved by sleep. im not sure if it has more to do with actually being all that sleep deprived, rather, I am inclined to think that it is more so my really bad memory at work. Given enough time I will forget what was bothering me in the first place.

last night...in a fit of panic I called nearly everyone I know. Not necessarily to expound upon said panic, but instead to distract myself and reassure myself that things were ok because I had people to talk to. If you didn't get a call...well your turn is coming up don't worry.

and so of course this morning, I woke up, panic subsided and just grumpy from bad sleep. But luckily today has turned out to be a bang up day. After work I got my dog walks done in the most efficient manner because they were very close to each other and while I may have only been one hour or so of my time I made $15/hr rather than half of that/2 hrs. Then I got to cracking on my retard-o self debilitating fear of moving on. I don't think it is a genuine fear of failure that keeps me from doing what I want....its something else...I will have to stew on that. But so anyways you are now looking at the happy owner of 25 lbs of clay and a membership to the UNM craft studio. I have absolutely no more excuses. Also, ! , I found out that I don't have to work Monday OR Saturday. That means...three full days of reading, wonderfalls, and clay!

"tastes like burning"

2005-06-23T10:39:00.000-07:00

So what's with all the hubbub over this kid getting lost in the woods in Utah....is it really a miracle that he survived four days by himself in the wilderness...he is a boy scout after all...shouldnt we give him some credit. Granted I probably wouldn't fare so well but I don't know how to tie knots, start a fire, or even climb trees. My survival skills are limited to layering and making due with purple eye liner when you cant find the black.

92 days till fall

2005-06-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

I think I may have had a secret partial lobotomy. And no offense to those of you out there who have actually had a lobotomy, I am not, in fact, trying to cop your I.D. and pass myself off as cool like you. Now why do I think this....I seem to be incapable of experiencing certain emotions. Like my sad center is paralyzed. Or something. Case in point....when meghan and I walked up to her car to find that it had been broken in to my initial reaction was eh...its ok, not the worst thing that could have happened, no one got hurt. Granted my knees were shaking and all but I wasn't really that upset, more like sedated. (cases like this abound) Besides frank and "his little friend" were upset enough for the group of us. (relax, it was just a bat) and lately what with my new abyss of a future, a normal girl (which maybe im not fine but whatever) would probably be distraught and weepy. Sure I cried on the way to work the other day but it was brief and more so the result of some song I was listening to. See my sadness isn't even complete within itself, it has to be augmented to even register.
maybe its normal to feel blase when really its out of your control. Maybe it is the complete and utter insane lack of control that has finally lulled me into being passive. I just cant get it up for the woe.
and then we have this contradiction where while all signs point to melancholy, in nearly every aspect of my personal/professional/financial/physical life, I find myself sublimely happy for moments (moments!) on end.

quick update on how the first day of summer is going: I wore a tank top and bought new sunglasses.....it is pouring rain

and i'm getting used to the floor

2005-06-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

Today is supposedly the first day of summer. Does that mean its going to get hotter? How much longer do I have to put up with this swelter?
yesterday I spent three and a half hours shopping for pillows. I know this sounds like a lot of fun...But not so much. Everything in my apartment should, at least for now, be well cushioned. This is good of course, cause as we all know, I am clumsy and fall down a lot.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2005-06-18T09:36:00.000-07:00

this weekend is really shaping up to be...well not borring. i have to admit i was a little worried about going through fun withdrawl post anchorage and sans my posse of girls. anyways, yesterday was truly a fantastic day begining at 4thirty am including getting paid twice, cleaning up my appartment and finding the MIA pink bra, going to the launch pad to see forgetter and going straight through to aprox 12ish pm, at which point i threw a minor wrench in the good chi of the evening but all has been resolved. oh ok i forgot the goodnees reammerged at three thirty when emily called me to chat. like i told her i always keep my phone by the bed and am always upset when people i hate call and wake me up but it was a de-light-ful suprise to hear from her. and now i sit, tummy full of eggs, cheese, and bacon, the three food groups, watching some quality cable programming at the bosses house. i am a little sad that i have to go to work today and am not so excited that i will most likely have to give max a bath but i have good feelings about the haps for the rest of the evening. besides i really do need to work to maintain my bacon habit.

low on points? ask how you can improve your score today!

2005-06-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

I am turning into my alter ego. Now how it is someone does that, I don't know, but here is the evidence I have gathered thus far:
1. I am sooo a morning person now, its just so effin beautiful watching the sun rise and enjoying being outside before it gets hot enough to melt a cat
a. Can still function as night owl when called upon to due so thanks in part
to my never-ceasing napping skillz
2. I enjoy cleaning....what the hell...I can't even believe I just wrote that. Now while it may be true, it doesn't mean I do it often, or even very well
3. I am having a hard time pin-pointing this third thing...something about having a good time and not feeling guilty....something about recklessly abandoning reason only to find out its not that unreasonable at all.
a. I cannot accept full credit for this of course, there are certain people who
have either coached me to this acceptance, or allowed me to demonstrate
it....seven points to each of you.
anyways, it is important to document one's growth in case it later becomes stunted and unrecognizable

"the ticket is the first notice"

2005-06-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

at some point this morning between beans and chicken i realized i couldnt see out of my left eye nearly at all. as a result i am wearing glasses and thinking about going to the eye doctor.
in really really good news, after watching a bit on the news yesterday morning about the police rounding up people with warrents due to traffic tickets, ive checked to see that neither i nor my dad have an outstanding warrent as a result of my unpaid parking tickets. now if that isnt the best news ive heard all day...

Morsels

2005-06-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

The past twenty four hours have been very very very vacation worthy.
a brief synopsis that cannot possibly do it justice is all I can manage at this point.
but basically after some more hot dart action at the pioneer (turns out it was beginner's luck and I really do suck) meghan and I left the bar at closing time and have not yet seen eachother. I thought I had a pretty good night (which consisted of ten minutes of sleep and five hours of the same cd)until I find out she has certainly out done me. There it was at five in the afternoon, no one has heard from meghan in twelve hours, and we are all a little worried. I was of course terrified and planning her funeral and rehearsing her eulogy. silly me to worry, it turns out that when we parted ways at the bar she went hiking and then took a little three hour trip over to go fishing. This really can only be comprehended as totaly bizarre if you understand meghan and her fish phobia. Anyways, when I finaly knew she was safe and sound t-bone and I went and hit up the mall which was especially surreal this afternoon. And unfortunately no one else was there to see it but I had my debut performance of my new comic burrito routine.
and im set, ready to hop in the shower and head back out. ive got two days left and a lot to accomplish.

i got nothin

2005-06-07T18:09:00.001-07:00

the problem here is that I woke up way late today and even though I am on vacation I feel like I am wasting my time sleeping. And then it started raining. And while I miss the rain yes yes and I shouldn't complain, it all sorta makes me want to curl up in a ball and have sweet nothings whispered into my ear until I feel better. Unfortunately all my biggest fans are at work so I have to suck it up and hang out with myself. So of course I went shopping.
I mainly needed pajama pants because of course those were in the suitcase that I no long have. I have been sleeping in my jeans which of course is so fashionable but it is not very practical. And this also results in them getting all stretched out and I have to hold them up all day which is tricky with a cup of coffee in one hand and a smoke in the other...you can picture it im sure. And you are wondering why I have to sleep in pants at all....meghan doesn't really sleep with me anymore and I don't hold it against her....really....I..dont...but sometimes I wake up in the morning and she is in bed with me and I am subsequently really glad I wasn't lettin it all hang loose.
so I got some pajama pants and they are pink and they are fabulous.
yet here I am feeling oh so blue knowing right well why that is and egging myself on with the most depressing music ever, and by depressing I mean fabulous and beautiful but oh so terribly sad.

howdy

2005-06-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

today was the most fantastic alaskan day to show up all other alaskan days. granted it didnt begin untill one thirty when i rolled my ass out of bed, but it was filled with sunshine, baby geese, and pizza so basically it was perfect.
and of course it is now cloudy and breezy outside proving my point that...oh wait i didnt have a point.
well so last night i took several pictures with my phone but they dont seem to want to send themselves over to my photo blog so i will summerize.
#1 t-bone and G-dog doing the worst rendition of billie jean ever at the shed. i mean it was awesome and we deffiniatly livened up that cowboy bar...
#2 meghan and i driving home at five in the morning content with burgers in our stomaches and nothing to get up for in the morning.

other high lights of the evening included kicking ass at darts at the pioneer. who knew i was so talented. and with that statement i am sure all my begininers luck has now evaporated. and after all im pretty sure they let me win. but i have to say a girl in my state of limbo can never be too greatful for either being good at something random like darts (maybe i'll start a traveling side show) or even more greatful that some nice lads humored me and pet my ego a little. its good to know there are some people in this world who still understand that value of a little ego fluffing.

"kilometers means nothing to me, lets call them widgets"

2005-05-30T15:33:00.000-07:00

After 62 hours of driving, a case of diet coke, three packs of cigarettes, 18 pria bars, and 3200 miles....we are in anchorage.
truly it was a road trip to rival all others, there were thrills there were chills there were baby bears. It was awesome. After spending the last three days driving with only taking breaks to pee and refuel, we rolled into anchorage at four in the morning and when I laid down I was still vibrating and my legs were numb and shaky from not being used.
meghan and I survived the break in, the 12 hour motor cycle loading fiasco, the Al-Can, the mean Canadian boarder guy, my jack knifing the trailer, the moose playing chicken with our car, all while laughing hysterically to the point of tears and needing to pull over.
and last night five of us got together and swore we would never go so long with out seeing each other again. And then we shook out booties on the dance floor to prince. Now that's catharsis.

my naked vacation

2005-05-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should update, one because things are just a little bit crazy and there is stuff to be said, but two also because I think I will be in Canada tomorrow and without internet.
ok so yesterday we left san francisco at two pm in not too bad spirits but defiantly with a lighter load than anticipated thanks to some fine crazy/homeless/evil/ Californian residents. The moral of the story, don't love your shoes too much because when they are stolen, its rather painful when it shouldn't be.
anyways things went really well we drove all the way to Portland and made good time and had a really good time over all.
for picture updates which I think will be more frequent, see my photo blog

on the road

2005-05-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

Currently, I am on hold with PNM waiting to see if they will let me pay my utilities bill. It is the highlight of my day. well no its not, actually being in lovely sunny san francisco. I made it safely, actually the only person in any danger was the annoying guy sitting be hind me on the plane, with the annoying laugh and the annoying breathing. The seats were close enough together that I think I could have pinned him back there if I had reclined but then I would only be closer to the annoying breathing.
tomorrow its off to the great north west. We have got our supplies..pria bars and diet coke....we are sooo set.

A quel destin inconnu se dirige-t-elle

2005-05-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

Still high off the fumes of the last vacation I am gearing up for the next. In the weirdest way everything is falling into place. And by the weirdest way I mean life as usual. Sometimes things happen and you don't know why, or you are unsure about them and then moments later its all clear and perfectly sensical.
getting away for three weeks is where its at. Never mind the fact that I am not independently wealthy and therefore im not sure how it is I think I can afford to take three weeks of work. and never mind the fact that setting up a charitable fund for the purpose of collecting donations to fund said vacation would probably just get me pelted with garbage. But you know what I always say...you have to give to get....for an address to send your checks please contact me by email.

in other news, its been well established that indeed I have an inner old lady who makes regular appearances. In light of some recent reading I've been doing I have come to the conclusion that I also have an inner middle aged man. This is not an entirely new notion but a reoccuring theme. I discovered it somewhat in high school after an unhealthy identification with the love song of j alfred prufrock.
so while I sit here for the next four hours "working" id like to be able to figure out what that is all about.

harriet beacher stow can kiss my ass

2005-05-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

I am so well rested, I feel like a new person. A new, sane, well adjusted, person. Who knew.
well here is the wrap up kids. I love Miami. This is qualified by a few things... I love Miami in may when I don't have to drive and other people pay for things. But really it was lovely. I went to the beach, I sat by the pool, I shopped, I ate. Is that not the definition of a well earned vacation? Now, I did not have any key lime pie nor did I wear my new stripy shoes, but I did have cake and Emily bought me new shoes and a bag so somehow it all evens out.

and as far as the wrap up on school. Well un/fortunately its not bragging when I tell you I ended my scholastic career with smashing grades. We all know, as proof was provided in this blog, that I took great pains to not work very hard and indeed slacked off tremendous amounts. So are the A's culminating proof that I have mastered the art of doing the bare minimum? im not sure. All I know is I did what I thought warranted being done, spent a lot of time hanging out with rather important people rather than reading and in the end I have no regrets. In fact I think I did better than I would have had I actually needed the grades. Its funny what happens when you do what you want to do rather than what you should do. So if anyone needs a brand new, never been touched, pristine copy of uncle toms cabin im willing to part with it for a fair price.

mind the flying pigs

2005-05-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

I feel incredibly sick.
this is what happens when you don't have catharsis.
all the nervous energy is kicking around in my stomach.
and by nervous energy I mean way too much tea and cigarettes.

I am done. Its over
last night when I went to bed at three after completing my last project I felt, nothing. There was some relief knowing I had made a good project. And some relief knowing I wouldn't have to pull any more late night marathon cut and paste sessions. Though I don't mind. And maybe that's just it. I may actually miss the quietness of the middle of the night intruded upon only by the sound of glue squirting and accompanying movies ( last night it was empire records, when harry met sally concluded by the royal tenenbaums)
this morning, at dawn while I was enjoying a celebratory smoke, mostly celebratory of not waking up late, I did feel something. It was gratitude. I do have an enormous sense of gratitude towards things including the opportunity to go to college. And also, extensive thanks go out to my cheerleading squad.
I think I am almost comforted by the fact that I don't feel a sense of achievement. While it is a wonder how I got through, I still feel like there is a lot more work to be done. Maybe I wont feel achieved for years. That's ok with me.
maybe I will get to have some cake this weekend and at least then, i will feel fulfilled.

not so little secrets

2005-05-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

i have added a link to post secret over there -->
it is everything my blog is not (in regards to previous post)
i am glad
i love this site

though the naps are quite scandalous really

2005-05-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to wonder if the readership of my blog will wane after they realize I don't have any confessions to make or vices to commiserate with. I mean I have an unhealthy obsession with naps but that never got me any raised eye brows. So if people cant live vicariously through me because their life is more "exciting" than mine, and there is no addiction to be had vouyeistically....What's my niche?
I will let you know if I figure it out.
really, if you couldn't tell, I am very excited about up and coming vacationS the fact that it is a plural really is just so wonderful. However in the mean time I am completely sedated, not from lack of sleep, but from prolonged lack of sleep and having to use my brain too much. Even if I had a good vocabulary, I have over heated the processor and now all I get is a bunch of "stuff", "things" and "androgynous". Now there is a word I will never misspell again. Which is actually a lucky thing because when misspelled with an incorrect vowel hear or there, my computer suggests seapod as an alternative.
yes its true, heavy metal does queer gender roles because of its performative nature and seapod image.

also, i am good with numbers

2005-05-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

I have decided I should compile a list of things I have learned in college as sort of a means for closure. Because who doesn't love closure.
so far I only have one thing to put on the list hopefully more "things" will follow.

#1 identity is a sham. An unnatural futile attempt, your identity is never your identity.

so I had a fun conversation with my sister yesterday. (edited to what I can remember)
E: how about for graduation I take you shoe shopping. I was thinking that way you could get yourself a totally impractical pair of shoes that you don't have to worry about only wearing once in your life because someone else paid for them.
G: actually I could use a pair of sportyish shoes
E: well I was just thinking its a good excuse to get a pair of totally impractical hot pink shoes.
G: oh, well, I already have 2 pairs of impractical hot pink shoes.

oh the inner joy I had in uttering that last sentence. I feel like that is a better indicator of my position in life than being a near college graduate. I think I will even add it to my resume under accomplishments.

raccoons or opossum really

2005-05-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a fine fine day, long to be remembered as such. The day started off well with a pot of earl grey at satellite. how can you even attempt to have a bad day after that much exquisite tasting caffeine. Tea always tastes better when someone else makes it, it also tastes better being poured from a shiny white pot into a shiny white mug. I enjoyed my tea nestled into a cozy nook of one of their couches pleasantly situated within a patch of sun. As I sat there I caught up on some reading. While I really don't like heavy metal and I cannot resign myself to the theory that led zeppelin was in fact the first metal band, the book really is well written and very entertaining.
after this I jetted on over to do some dress shopping. What i s really exciting is I found a dress that fits me. While you may not have noticed, I am not the most perfectly proportioned girl. A dress that fits fabulous on the bottom will usually result in enough excess fabric on top to serve as a comfortable shelter for a family of raccoons.
ok but what is really really important news is that I finally broke down and bought THE shoes
I have never been so unnaturally excited by a pair of shoes in my life. They and I have a long history of lusty pursuit. I am almost over come with emotion as I type this... this is fueled by my purchasing them for 1/4 of their original price. Proof that patience does indeed pay off.
so I now have the materials to be well dressed girl. And shockingly enough I also have the opportunity to BE a well dressed girl what with the up coming holiday in Miami. Now granted these shoes and every article of clothing I own are most likely "so last season" to anyone who knows anything down there. And while someone less secure might let this make them feel bad I will not. Most likely it will mark me as not being from there which I cant say is a bad thing.

be careful what you wish for

2005-05-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

First of all.
I always always always get what I ask for. No I am not reveling in my spoiledness. Anyone who knows me knows this. What I am saying is that yes, there are mysterious forces at work I believe whose goal it is to keep me from asking for stupid stupid things.
on this note....I must must must get things going. And by things I don't really know what I mean and by going well I don't really know where but my cocoon is getting a little snug and it is time to bust out. As a wise man once said "life seems so obscene till its over"
well folks I like it obscene and im gonna go at it.
maybe its because I am listening to led zeppelin and have warm sweet coffee coursing through my veins but I have an incredibly benevolent feeling about today.
also
in regards to personal metamorphosis, sometimes its a simple thought, but I am all for epiphany sharing. And really in the big scheme of things morality is more important than intelligence.
if you are a long time subscriber to the Geneva fan club you needn't worry that I've been adulterated and taken over to the other side, this is in fact the fruition of a thought I had a full year ago.

that's 156 individual socks

2005-05-02T06:04:00.000-07:00

Ok
(deep breath)
its the last week of classes

can I say I feel like a buffoon for ever questioning the importance of graduating.
can we say new luggage, going to look at a car later this week, and now having the hottest looking bed this side of Calcutta.

I have this issue with moving. I do it all the time. According to my calculations, since fall of 1999 when I started college, I haven't lived anywhere longer than 9 months (im talking housing not city)
but here it is may, the originally designated month for my lease to be up and I have the awesomely calming feeling that comes with knowing I am not moving anytime soon. This of course is facilitated by the fact that I cleaned that mother up like a mad woman on Friday and it is now supremely cozy. If only I could get the echo out of my bedroom. Then we would really be ready to roll.

this weekend kicked ass. I really have to hand it to myself for getting stuff done.
this included buying myself a way adult looking jacket/blazer thing that is required of adult like people with important places to go. Now all I need are...um...the important places to go. Oh who am I kidding I just need somewhere with a cool breeze to go. Also I did some much needed laundry. I managed to wash every pair of socks I own, all 78 of them. Now I of course feel like fool having to devote two drawers to socks

also in reference to the earlier bit about moving...I have resigned myself to the fact that most of the most important people in my life will never live with in shouting distance of me. So what do you do? do you make the obligatory occasional phone call? Or do you call them semi-regularly so that you don't even have to catch up, you just have to talk. Obviously the smart girl who vacations in my head would choose the latter.

mmmmm haroset

2005-04-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

I know you were all dying in suspense waiting to hear how my little Passover venture went.
it was last night. I actually thought I was going to get out of going I started to plan my escape before I ever really knew the plan. And this turned out to be foolish because I actually had a really great time. And speaking of time- maybe its passage since the last time little A and I hung out was all that was needed. I have to give that girl credit, she gives the best damn directions ever. No finger pointing....real directions. She is forever off the crap list for that distinction alone.
so she and I headed over to what was known as big gay al's house, matza ball soup in hand (and i helped!) though sadly big gay al did not make an appearance. Anyways, once there, the Jews started accumulating and at about nine 8 of us sat down for a Shabbat Seder. The Seder was hosted by Neil who is, I suppose, a convert but has only been at the game a few months. His knowledge of course surpassed mine tenfold so while he wasn't the distraction I was hoping for his catholic girlfriend did take most of the pressure off me. So oddly enough though there was more swearing than I have ever heard at a Seder, perhaps because more wine was partooken (2x) than at any other Seder, it was actually rather traditional and structured. And by structured I mean we had to wait to eat. And I had to have the horse radish.....mom never made me eat the horse radish. I sadly didn't stay till the end. Though this is not a sign of me whimping out- we were only a quarter of the way through the haggadah when I left at 11 and things looked like they were going down hill rapidly. The catholic girl passed out and the spontaneous outbursts of dayenu were becoming more and more frequent and frenzied.

we have agreed that i need a nightlight

2005-04-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

Ok so I adore living by myself. I have taken the opportunity to fine tune my eccentricities and boy are we progressing along. Its fabulous, I can leave clothes in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom. Basically my apartment is like one big closet. (interesting, I just wrote "problem" instead of "closet") but what I mean to say is that I can design the whole place to my specifications without considering anyone else. Which really is great because I am a selfish bastard. Anyways. The major down fall of living alone is that I am afraid of the dark. Seriously. This comes mostly from my overactive imagination. Lately at night when I cant sleep I will lay there and think about the normal things that people think about before falling asleep. Ok, so that's a lie. In actuality im usually doing math. Anyways lately I've been having an especially hard time falling asleep and the math morphs itself inexplicably to thought about scary movies. Two nights ago it was the Blair witch project and last night it was the others. Now granted neither one of those was very scary. But that didn't keep me from being certain there was something under my bed and the only thing that would keep that thing's little black hand from reaching up and grabbing me was if I could lay real still and not breath too loud.
my natural defense mechanisms eventually kicked in and I desperately tried to think of happy happy things to distract myself. The first things to pop into my mind, I kid you not, were my little ponies, and pasta. In that order. The my little ponies was more of a smell thing and the pasta was elbow shaped.
so there you go, my happy place is filled with my little ponies and noodles.

are you taking notes

2005-04-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

So it turns out im not as lazy as I (or anyone else) thought. last night I was randomly calculating the ratio of number of pages read compared to number of pages assigned and it was shockingly low.
so does this mean im lazy. No not really, stubborn yes. With my dads voice in my head I have many times this semester vowed to not waste it...or at least not make it into something I was going to look back on and regret. I think im doing alright in that regard...I mean I have sort of taken advantage of the learning opportunities provided to me, though few and far between. And as far as regrets go, no I don't think that I am really missing out by not reading the fifty gazillion articles assigned. And why? Because I got better things to do. For example, last nights intended activity was to read a chapter or two about the social history of heavy metal as it pertains to gender and race. Instead, colin and I ate spaghetti, watched some wonder falls and figured out the driving forces behind all my relationships, romantic and probably otherwise. Now, im going to have to go out on a limb here and say that this nugget of self awareness is a bit more beneficial to myself than accomplishing that assigned reading. And there is absolutely no doubt that the spaghetti was more worth while.

up to speed

2005-04-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

I realize I have been a little lacking in the consistant posting department. And strangely enough it isn't because nothing is going on.
school is really almost over, no joke, the end is near. I am not so excited as I am looking forward to just not having to show up three days a week.
to celebrate the end of an era I am first going to Miami.... Because you cant spell celebrationmiami with out Miami. After my little dose of sun and hopefully sufficient amounts of key lime pie, I am headed to san francisco for a serious hiatus from life. I will have the pleasure of driving up to anchorage with meghan from the bay area. This too is sure to involve a lot of fun and unhealthy amounts of diet coke. I am really very excited about the whole road trip aspect of it all. And then upon arrival in sweet sweet anchorage I plan to fool around for a couple of weeks. Again....The purpose is to reject all forms of responsibility and reason. That's right....im talking about sleeping past eight! Oh the nap drool is startin to form.

happy pesach y'all

2005-04-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

So tired. And angry. Last night, like a fool, I answered my phone when it rang at eleven. I of course didn't know it was eleven and I just assumed it was really fucking important because...it was eleven.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh no. It was that girl. The one I thought I had successfully swept under the social rug with time and diligent avoidance. No no no. It was her. Calling to see if I wanted to have a Passover get together. ohhhhh suuuuure there is nothing I would rather do more than have a hip little Seder with the pint sized jewess who makes sure I feel and extra dose of guilt for not being as Jew as she.
why did I answer the phone. I don't know, why did I say yes...I don't know.
I think I am just so easily convinced to be fates ass puppet. So we will see.
either the evening will go off with out a hitch, something miraculous will happen...Maybe Elijah will bring me good news, or some new shoes, or, maybe someone will die.

no, i do not have a never ending supply of good cheer

2005-04-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

I am more than a little agitated but don't ask for logic or reasoning on that one. Why, just a moment ago, in a bout of self reflection, I realized...I really shouldn't be in a bad mood...Its Thursday (no work tomorrow), I have coffee, and AND this morning involved a healthy dose of strawberry cream cheese. So how could things be any thing less than spectacular. I think I may have used up all my good cheer last night and im in need of recharging. I mean how else could I be so discontent...did I mention the strawberry cream cheese? And on that....do I like it more because it is delicious or because it is the most lovely, most edible shade of pink? I am often conflicted by my love of pink and having to share this affliction with Paris Hilton. For the record, and in my defense, we do like different shades of pink....hers seems more barbie while I feel like mine is more varied but originating in the strawberry cream cheese end of the spectrum.
and another thing about Paris Hilton, I was watching something with her on TV and they were talking about what a neat freak she was and how this was illustrated in her changing her clothes three times a day. First of all I think most of us would change our clothes three times a day if we had a disposable wardrobe to match our disposable income. And secondly I change my clothes two to three times a day but that is usualy because I've somehow managed to get myself covered in dirt, salsa, or coffee.

jamie lee curtis was "confused"

2005-04-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

oh the short circuitry that is happening in my brain right now. Often, after my one rather interesting class, I have all sorts of half finished ideas swimming around in my head.
this is a sore attempt to get them down before I forget...oooooh the forgetting.
maybe if they develop anymore or complete themselves I will edit and repost... in the mean time:
on gender assignment--
the notion of an explicit gender being a necessity seems like an old fashioned *conservative* notion. Why is deciding at birth so important. The first thing they say is "its a boy" or "its a girl" and this proclamation is sometimes even reversed at a later date due to a misidentification. But lets say its not clear. Seems that in what I have read and seen doctors have little issue taking it upon themselves to assign one or the other. This is in part to avoid "confusion"... it is even called "gender confusion" which I think is telling in itself...Who is confused unless we tell them to be. Unless....unless gender is psychological rather than physical. Which is it? Both?
I digress. The thing I think is important in my thought process here is that the act of choosing for someone then makes gender an issue of Nature vs. Nurture. What I mean is if you choose a gender for someone at birth their identity then becomes an issue of nurture. If it is a success and even if its not (you nurture wrong and you get confusion). This then disallows for the possibility of gender identification being a matter of nature.
I also have some pressing concerns with proof of authenticity when it comes to identity, polar opposites, and the nuisance that is regurgitation vs. synthesis. But I have to go. So stay tuned

hallelujah

2005-04-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

Last night, while I was sittin around, by myself, watching HSN (more on that later) I came across a fortune cookie. It was left over from the time I had to go get pei wei by myself (oh can you feel the guilt). Anyways it said "accept the next proposition you receive". Now is that not a kick ass fortune. Much better than the other one I got that said "when people look at you they realize there is beauty elsewhere in the world". Don't worry I didn't take it personally I know I'm a Hottie.
anyways. I thought, wow what a great little nugget to have floating around in the back of my head. So did I? Not exactly. But what I did do was make a proposition that was accepted. Now big deal I know you are thinking. But while I can't reveal the details of my plan to build a new revolutionary secret society....... just yet. it is somewhat of a big deal and it signifies a smattering of things. First of all, that I solicited camaraderie from people I think well of and wasn't afraid that they would shoot me down, and two I may be solving some of my anxiety issues about graduating.
so today turned out to be an A+ day. It isn't even over yet. I did just come from getting my hair cut and I feel super. This has a lot to do with the fact that it was way cheaper than expected. While im not a cut and tell kind of girl. I will say I tipped 50% just because I was so excited at how cheap it was. While I was there three girls were getting their hair and make up done for prom. Oh man. I wanna go to prom again. Prom sucked-- granted.....my date told me to sit up straight at dinner and also left me to go to someone else's party. But the good side, as those who know, know....is that was also the night I became a born again meat eater. Can I get an amen.

like a baby's bottom

2005-04-14T05:52:00.000-07:00

So I didn't mean to leave things hanging in the funk that I did. However its been slow going on the excitement end of things. I mean we all know that my life is normally a cornucopia of thrills and chills usually. Anyways it was suggested that I update so here it is... and I feel as though I should not be held accountable for the quality of the content due to the fact that this is really grasping at straws. But as we all know its quantity not quality.
and speaking of such, my cinematic endeavors as of late have been really disappointing. First there was Saved. This turned out to be one of those deals where the really juicy bits are given in the previews and the rest of the movie is filler. It wasn't terrible...just not great. This was closely followed by eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. And reflecting upon it now all I can see in my head is mark ruffalo in his saggy white undies. No thanks. And last night I heart huckabees. Oh man. I was sucked into the hype. I mean granted there wasnt that much hype but my parents didn't like it so I thought for sure I would. But it was not so great either.
as a result I am feeling rather unfulfilled. Its a good thing I had some pizza last night or I would be feeling entirely unfulfilled.
so I think this weekends quest will be to find a satisfying flick. Any suggestions?

and a side note for the ladies ( I mean you guys can read this of course I just don't want to hear any testimonials thank you)

when Emily came to visit last she complained out my shaving cream. So now I always feel bad when I use it, like its not good enough. im so easily persuaded when it comes to the really important things in life. Anyways the crux of this story is that I've started using hair conditioner to shave. And can I say I give it two enthusiastic thumbs up. Just squeezing out a drop from the sponge of knowledge that is my brain.

puddles

2005-04-10T15:54:00.000-07:00

Things are all mucked up man.
the inside of my brain has decided to mimic the weather like a Fitzgerald novel.
well poop on that
its the weekend, I don't want to be damp and cloudy.
things have gone to the wrong side of extreme as far as my outlook on my impending life goes.
for example:
jealousy
I am no longer just jealous of other people who are having more "fun" than me
but also people who think they are having more "fun" than me
why cant I at least be delusional?
oh sure
you are thinking you would be content enough to shut up in my condition.
granted things are going well in all arenas I am happy to say.
I think the truth is that I haven't felt that overwhelming sense of luck that usually keeps me ticking
maybe this just means that I am going to have to start working for contentment
now there is a scary thought
on the other hand, the forecast for tomorrow is sunny and "brisk"
so I am not too worried

the dream

2005-04-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

I used to always remember my dreams, which often made me wish I didn't. Especially if I was Billy crystal, or trapped in a dorm room coming on to the pope.
but this, this is something else.
its so full of stuff that it kind of blows my mind. You may read it and think oh she's defiantly lost it. Though if you read it and get the sneaking suspicion that it is suprisingly true to life, well congratulations, you are crazy too.
here goes:
im in anchorage walking in my old neighborhood in the snow, its dark
because its late and its winter. I walk up to a church and hear
people complaining about the wind and how cold it is,but im warm
I have a book with me, something non-academic with "kissing" in the
title. I purposely carry it with the title facing out. I pass rows and rows of people while looking for somewhere to sit. I recognize some
of the people but no one I know really. As I find an empty place I hear my name over the intercom and so I turn and walk towards the center where the person is who called my name. He instructs me to sit with someone else's family. I say "oh good, I was wondering/waiting for some one to tell me where to sit" the announcer says to me "I always wait" I find my self sitting next to two kids and in front of a woman and her husband. The woman who is wearing colored jeans is talking loudly saying "I cant fucking believe....." and her husband is going on about how he is bulking up since lifting weights. The service starts and there is a projection on the ceiling of the sun that is going on with a voice over. But I cant see the show because I am facing the wrong direction. I leave and while I am walking home (its light out ) I come across a guy in the woods and he hands me a torn piece of newspaper and asks me what its supposed to mean. There are some ^ ^ and 0 0 markings on it. I look up and see an elk walking by and I realize that the ^ ^ mean the elk's horns so I tell the guy to get the elks attention. He does by waving his arms but then the elk comes charging at us. We duck but the elk turns and comes at us again. I look down to the newspaper clipping and see it upside down. The ^ ^ are V V and now I see OO and E E and I can clearly make out
"LL and OO and VV and EE and LL and OO and VV and EE " over and over in paragraph form. I realize that the elk is not evil and so I offer to share some cooked zucchini with the elk. He eats more than his share and comes after me for mine. Then the elk forces me to make out with him. I hear someone coming so I jump up and run into a dark room. I jump into the bed and pull the covers over me and try to hide. The guy follows me... When he jumps into the bed the blankets get tangled I realize I cant hide so I pretend to be asleep. My mom and dad come in. They turn on the lights and I quit pretending im asleep. My mom shoves some brown cards and a chain of staples towards me and says she doesn't understand. I get so mad I start yelling at her. She keeps coming at me with art/art supplies saying she doesn't understand. I blow up and leave the room.

you know it, you just dont know that you know it

2005-04-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

I am often saying things out loud that I grow to regret. But this doesn't keep me from making public knowledge things I hope to achieve. I am not my own best boss and so without others' permission I make a pseudo-accountable contract between myself and who ever is unfortunate enough to be around when I decide to change something about my life. My newest attempts at such are the proclamation that "no" and "what's your best excuse" are my new mantras. These are in addition to "you are in control" and I am beginning to understand the reason I cant sleep at night is cause I wont shut up.
we will see how it goes
in other news I took a little quiz-a-roo meant to establish my dependency on cigarettes. Turns out its as low as I thought it was, I think because I never actually have killed someone for a smoke.
and lastly Emily was right, I think I will consult her on the more pressing decisions in my life from now on.

The best naps

2005-04-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

You would think that I would blog more about naps being that 1) I like them so much and 2) they are one of my few talents. I feel like I have neglected the subject. But so anyways this afternoon I had the best nap. The best naps never take place in your bed.
One time, I heard this random little bit of information, I doubt if it is really true. But anyhow the little bit of information was that hard-core drug users are constantly trying to reinvent the circumstances surrounding their high. This supposedly is to keep the affects of a built up tolerance in check. The idea being that if you get high while doing something different each time it will seem more exciting.
anyways...this is sort of how I feel about naps. They are always best under fresh circumstances, never anything to rave about when taken in your own bed. Its best to move around and experiment with different places, times, furnitures, etc. While risking one or two disappointments the benefits are worthwhile.
today's nap took place in the worlds best chair. There was radiohead going softly in the background and the soft pit-pit of mouse and keys. (am I the only one who prefers mac keyboards to all others based entirely on the sound?) also greatly adding to the experience was the coffee and cookies in tummy and the fact that it was cloudy when I fell asleep and sunny when I woke up.
ah just the thought of it now makes me quite content. If only it weren't for my old lady hip waking me up.

the devil works in mysterious ways

2005-04-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

oh today...
so apparently butterfly (the dog..stick with me here) ate some tennis ball. her owner found this disturbing enough to bring in the vomited up portion to illustrate this fact to me. she asked me to see that it doesn't happen again. contrary to popular belief while i may have a special bond with even the most specialist of dogs....i cannot keep them from doing dumb things.
also i had to give max a bath


  

oh sure he looks cute, but that's how he tricks you.    max sadly enough was the most viable deterrent i had to offer to the drunken guys, sitting on the curb, across the street, for the majority of this afternoon.    this all would have been perfectly handle-able, im sure, had i had something to eat. but coffee (which i just forgot the name of as i was typing) for breakfast and pepsi for lunch doesn't really cut it. how is it that someone, whose life is normally so food-centric, could forget to bring any food to a nine hour shift? i was distracted i tell you.

hello april

2005-04-02T08:27:00.000-07:00

so we have had a bit of a dry spell on the posting eh. well its not like anything interesting hasn't happened. in fact just the other day i found my self in a really crappy mood which i believe was brought on by not once, twice, but three times finding myself in close, inexplicable proximity to people with really bad BO. and i have been wondering if in fact it is worth mentioning my observations on the fact that break up season came early, set up camp, and is still hanging around makin a stink. In case you aren't familiar, in alaska breakup is that lovely season when finally...finnaly the snow starts to melt but rather than being a joyous omen of spring its the stinkiest season around. all the dog poo that's been chillin nicely all winter gets reheated and the snow that is left is really just frozen dirt. its not pretty and yet serves as the most apt metaphor for this interstate phenomenon i have both witnessed and partooken of (partooken!)

The apocalypse

2005-03-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well its here.
of course its here, I didn't bring a warm jacket
I think I better go tether down the smaller dogs before they blow away.

when i wake up early in the morning

2005-03-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

while it has been "spring" for days now I would like to say that it is actually just showing up today. after all the varying degrees of wet frozen crap coming down on Saturday I guess things are just getting a slow start. Anyways what makes it certain now is that today (dum dada dum) was the first day sunglasses were required for my morning drive. Everything is so pretty when you are being blinded by sunshine.
in other news there are about a million things mixin it up inside my head today (always a good sign) a sampling of this would be: if I really am in control why do I feel like im not?.......... there is a good chance i am too 'nice' but i don't think it manifests itself as a weakness for bad situations......... and "why oh why did I eat all that cake this morning"?
turmoil while not blissful is at least still a welcome sign that things are still working upstairs and i am in fact not actually dreaming.

happy easter

2005-03-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

so for the first time in as long as i can remember i dyed easter eggs all by myself today. its my fault for not inviting anyone of course. its just a sad state of affairs. on the other hand there was no one there to mess up the colors or "the system." ive got it down to a science i tell you.
and so i hope that everyone is having a good holliday weekend full of too much chocolate and ham. i will be having no ham but will make up for it with the too, too much chocolate. right and you are thinking: but i thought she was jewish whats all this about easter? well folks the truth is, just as i love christmas, i love easter too. passover is a swell holliday dont get me wrong. its just not a crafty holiday and the food, like with most jewish hollidays, leaves something to be desiered. plus its not for a full month so i gotta pass the time somehow.

where's my cocktail?! (link)

2005-03-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

oh holy god
if it weren't firday i wouldn't be writing this entry because i would have already packed my bags for the insane asylum.
let me illustrate for you the importance of this being the end of the week
i walked around for most of the afternoon thinking it was an hour later than it really was.
then colin called to crush my spirit with the information that it was in fact four, not five. i almost lost it.
did i mention that I'm soaking wet
today i had to give Benedict a bath. Benedict is a bernese mountain dog.......like a St Bernard....but with more hair.
crap.
crap.
crap.
my god he has a lot of hair.
on a humorous note though whilst massaging shampoo on his tukhas he began to make really low grunting noises.
its good to know that even on a bad day i can help a dog get his jollies.

Found on a piece of paper

2005-03-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

It was a good movie
I laughed
I cried
I kissed
ten dollars
goodbye

so we agree then (link)

2005-03-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

its nice when on a cloudy wednesday morning you are kind of irked by something but can find someone else who has allready done the dirty work of putting all the letters into neat scentences complete with punctuation for you.
dont worry i am not going to make a habbit of approprating others blogs for my own.

she's developing nicely

2005-03-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was actually a momentous day in the little life of me.
First and foremost....so that you don’t have to worry anymore...the headache is under control.
After 48hrs of munchin on Advil I took some Dayquil on a whim. But it was a good whim and the pain is gone. As a result of this I really think people should come with diagnostic panels...like cars do. If only I had a check engine light...or really, a check sinuses light, all the pain could have been avoided.
The upside to a limited future of Dayquil consumption is that it keeps you on your toes I tell you what. Comes in handy when you have loads of work to do.
Also yesterday was the new girls first day at work, I like her, she wears a lot of black and has tattoos and also works at starbucks. Also I got a raise yesterday. woo hoo. Working at Wendy’s is no longer a viable alternative. Granted the people at Wendy’s probably work harder than I do but, BUT they do not have to pick up poo. I also feel as a near college grad I should be making more than minimum wage.
Anyways, it was a substantial raise and words like "you deserve it" were thrown around. see all you crazies in your analyst, government, "grown-up" jobs feeling like you are underappreciated ought to just come on down to where im at.
And lastly, while my mother was returning sky captain to me she expressed how scary it was. Alllllright.....I know I was trying to deny a genetic connection to being insanely sensitive to The Fear....but there is no denying it now.
Just seems like it would have been a lot more interesting if my root were something actually traumatic.

bad news

2005-03-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

i think i'm getting "THE headache"
it happens sometimes in spring for unknown reasons. and would you look at that... here it is, the first full day of spring...right on schedule....unlike everything else in my life.
"the headache" sometimes requiers a trip to the doctor and an IV. how exciting is that. i will keep you posted, as if my worst suspicions come true, i will be needing lots of sympathy and cookies.
or maybe my head just hurts from the intensive research adventures on the internet ive been taking part in.
i am not doing my paper on burt and ernie after all. which is good cause i really wasnt interested in talking about something i think is rediculous. they are puppets, they are made of foam, they dont even have legs...they arent gay.
instead i've shifted to the re-orientation philosophy and how it is spoofed in the movie "but i'm a cheerleader" which i now own if anyone wants to barrow.
interested in how to become an ex-gay?
here's how?

the spell check is broken dont blame me

2005-03-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

i would just like to thank everyone who left a comment....you get two gold stars a piece. i have not yet decided what said gold stars are redeemable for but dont let that keep you from saying hi.
in other news i am clawing my way through midterms. in case you think this is a big deal that solicites good will and cheer being thrown my way...you are wrong.
my mid terms consit of one short paper about music festivals in the 60s and the other a longer-ish paper whose topic is of my choosing and will probably revolve around percived gayness in childrens television (bert & ernie (but more on that later, post paper))
neither of these are a big deal, neither is very hard. the only problem in my motivation to get them done is that 1) they are so stupid that i dont really see the experience being useful to me ever and 2) i havent really done anything all semester so i am sort of out of shape when it comes to working.
the miniscuele importance of my acedemic life as it pretains to the big picture is something i ought to keep in mind. but it is way esier to gripe* about.

* we all know that griping is way different than whining. and even if i were doing something close to whining, it would be done in a charming and cute manner much like the way i kvetch, moan, bitch, and complain.